This Will Hurt Me More Than it Hurts You

**Sorry - wrote this post a million years ago and by million I mean 4 months.  Anyway, Seth recently had his next round of immunizations which reminded me that I had written this post but never published it.  Mommy Brain.**

Last week the dreaded 4 month "jabs" were upon us.  The term jabs or as our health visitor calls them, "jags" is apparently slang for shots according to my trustworthy and academic research on Wikipedia. "Jags," however, is Glaswegian (how someone from Glasgow would say it).  Boy I am getting quite the education over here - Taylor is getting a PhD, and I am learning English.  

Funny being that I am an English teacher.  But that's worth a whole post to itself.

Our first experience in getting Seth immunised was at 2 months (did you catch that British touch?  I recently asked a Brit why they hated "Zs" so much to which I was promptly corrected, "it's pronounced 'zed.'" Ahem.) Having heard lots of controversy over them (immunisations not zeds), I did my research (not on Wikipedia), we prayed a lot, and we ultimately felt it was more responsible to go ahead and get all of them seeing that Seth would be on many trans-Atlantic flights for the first 4 years of his life (if not his whole life - sorry Mom.)

Going into that 2 month appointment I experienced for the first time as a parent the reality of . . .

This will hurt me more than it hurts you.

This phrase used to make me mad as child when about to receive a spanking.  How could this possibly hurt you, Dad? I would wonder incredulously. Or I would sassily respond, "then don't do it!"  Needless to say, I got lots of spankings growing up. Spare the rod spoil the child, right?  Good thing we got out of California by the time I was 2.

But I really was overwhelmed and pained by the sense of this is going to hurt him, and he is going to wonder why I am letting someone hurt him.  I couldn't explain to him why it had to be done.  It just had to be done. For his good.  And so we went ahead with it.

The actual injections rendered some tears, but nothing too traumatic for baby or momma.  Hours later proved a much different story.  Disaster.  Nightmare.  Worst experience in parenting to date.  Our pediatrician had advised us not to give him Baby Tylenol*, so being the rule follower that I am, we didn't give him Baby Tylenol.

Said disaster ensued.

He shrieked uncontrollably for what seemed like an eternity (so yeah, like 45 minutes).  My blood pressure was off of the charts, our good friends, Kimy and Richmond, who were over for dinner were probably scarred for life (good thing Kimy was already pregnant at this point! :)), and Taylor was driving all over town to get Baby Tylenol.

10 minutes after Seth's first dose (and yes, we called the doctor first - who heartily agreed it was a necessary measure after hearing the screaming in the background), he had calmed down and resumed his normal placid self.  Crisis averted.   Well at least until his next round.

Fast forward 2 months (actually 3 months. Socialized medicine much?)  The morning of his 4 month jabs, I awoke to happy baby gurgling noises.  I went to get Seth out of his crib, and he beamed up at me with that adorable toothless grin seeming to convey with those bright wide eyes, This is going to be a great day!

Little did he know that round two of his immunisations were scheduled for a few short hours away.  

Seth is normally a happy baby, but this morning he was extra delightful.  Dagger to my heart.  I kept looking at him looking at me with such love and trust in his eyes and feeling guilty about what I was about to subject him to.  After talking it over with Taylor, who reassured me that this is what's best for him even though it involves pain and confusion since he is too young to understand why, it dawned on me of how this is a picture of a greater Truth.  This newest lesson the Lord was teaching me (for the millionth time) is life here on Earth.  It hurts, but that hurt is not wasted by Him.  I am constantly praying that the Lord would reveal Himself to me more, that I would never stop getting to know Him better and better.  And He answered that prayer through this dreaded responsibility I have as a parent.  How often does the Lord use pain in our lives for good?  Every time.  Even though we don't always see it right away.  He uses the pain to cut away the sin in our lives and that hurts like heck, but without it we remain the same. 

We can trust Him because we serve a God that lived,

this will hurt me more than it hurts you

on the cross.

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. 1 Peter 2:24

Seth came out great from this last round.  He didn't even cry during the injections.  10 pm - different story, but the Baby Tylenol was on hand so the crying only lasted 15 minutes this time.

*We realize that Baby Tylenol was recalled.  We actually used the Walgreens version instead.  Please restrain yourself from commenting on the evils of modern day medicine; I mean Baby Tylenol and immunizing children.