True Heart

My sister-in-law, Susannah, writes a blog over at susannahbaker.com, and she did her most recent post on us.  Click here if you want to read it.

Otherwise, here are a few photos to show what we've been up to lately:

coloring

visiting the Botanic Garden's apple festival

snuggling under the blanket Meme mailed to us from Hawaii!

wearing our coat inside (and Mommy or Daddy's shoes)

playing in the family band

dressing up

handing our candy to our neighbors as they trick-or-treated

accessorizing

shopping at Costco

scooting

"riding" bikes

more snuggling

more shopping at Costco (and no, I didn't buy these much to their dismay!:))

sightseeing at Rosslyn Chapel (filmed in the DaVinci Code)

hanging out with Tutu

reading Avery's favorite book.
over,
and over,
and over...

trying unsuccessfully to turn nap time into rest time

more scooting

making fun hairdos during meal time (and more coloring!)

visiting St. Giles Cathedral

drinking a pumpkin spice latte out of my first Starbucks Red Cup

It's been a long and exhausting week, but we were thankful to get to remember William as we buried him on Wednesday.  It was a sweet service and many of our faithful church family members attended. We have been so blessed by their support and care during this time.

Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers for us - we continue to feel the Lord's grace.

Our Boy

As most of you know, we found out that we lost our baby on October 9th at our mid-point ultrasound.  I was almost 18 weeks along.

As we were in the hospital doing this for the second time, Taylor and I reminisced back to our first loss in 2009. It was so different than this time.  We had no idea anything was wrong with Tristan only that at the ultrasound where we thought we were finding out she was a girl, we were finding out she had gone to be with Jesus.  It was a total shock, a gut check.  Our grief was acute.  I wrestled night after night with what I could've have done to cause this until we received her autopsy results.  Relief filled me when the results came back that a chromosomal issue was the culprit not me, but now our grief was not only over our lost child, but of the possibility of no children at all.  The Lord rocked me to my core during this time, carving out deep places of trust and dependence on Him where there had been independence and self-focus.  Taylor wrote a poem describing the Lord's work in our lives through our loss:

As water seeps into the fissures in the rock
and hardens into ice when freezing weather comes,
splitting stone and leaving space behind,
so has the grace of God this year filled
the shallow places of our souls,
hardening and cracking,
then leaving deeper pools behind
to hold His grace when He is done.

The Lord had replaced levity with gravitas.  Losing our daughter to Heaven, made us feel more solid on earth.  He gave us purpose in a time we teetered on the edge of despair.  And His mercy was new for us each morning. If that scripture wasn't true, I wouldn't have been able to get out of bed each day. But He was with me.


This time we were able to grieve over time knowing at 11 weeks our baby was sick and unlikely to make it to term. We prayed for a miracle, and marveled over the two miracles the Lord had already given us.

Photo by Strauss House Photography

Photo by Hunter Lawrence

The Lord prepared us for the loss through the prayers of three year old Seth who at first fervently prayed for his sibling's healing, and then refused to two days before our ultrasound saying, "No. I don't need to pray.  Our baby is well.  Jesus' blood is on him."

Out of the mouths of babes.


Friday, October 11th I went alone to the hospital to take my first induction drug.  The kids were being watched by a friend, Taylor had a meeting with his supervisor, and my mom was flying over the Atlantic.  I didn't worry about going by myself because I knew it had to be done; I knew Taylor needed me to be strong, so he could tie up loose ends, so that he could be fully present once I went into labor two days later. But as I walked alone across the parking lot, the loneliness hit me, and despair tried to take grip, but just as quickly my mind flooded with  surely I am with you always.  He was still with me.


Seth has been dealing with fear lately and so our latest scripture memory verse has been Joshua 1:9 and I have been so struck with the reality of the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.  Ours has been a hard journey these seven years, but He's always walked alongside us.  Oh had we known the significance of the song we chose to herald the beginning of our wedding ceremony seven years ago. It rang true when we chose it, and we know it even better today.

A few days ago, we found out that our baby was a boy.  This is what we suspected the whole pregnancy, so it was nice having that confirmed, and being able to name him.

From our first ultrasound I wanted to name him William for various reasons.  I was looking for a name that meant "determination" because I knew that if he was born with a handicap, that would be meaningful.  We also wanted a name that was Scottish.  So William means "will or determination" and well, you know that slightly famous Scottish guy, William Wallace...so William it was from around week twelve.  As for his middle name, if you know me well, you know my silly fascination with names and monograms.  I liked the idea that his monogram could spell "WIL," so we started thinking about names that started with "L."  I really liked Luke from the start because it means "light."  Taylor preferred Lachlan (pronounced Locklin) because it was a Scottish name we had come across early in our time here in Edinburgh that we both really liked but felt we couldn't use because it would be too difficult once we lived away from Scotland.  So since our baby is going to be buried in Scotland, we thought it appropriate to go with a thoroughly Scottish name, so Baby Ince # 4 is now officially William Lachlan Ince.  We will bury him Wednesday where we'll grieve and celebrate our boy's short but significant life.

In Memory of

William Lachlan Ince

son of Robin and Taylor 

brother of Tristan Joy, Seth, and Avery

October 13, 2013

Edinburgh, Scotland

Ecclesiastes 6:3-5

We look forward to a glorious reunion one day and smile knowing that William and his big sister, Tristan Joy are playing together at the feet of Jesus.

Photo taken in August when William was still with us
Photo by Hunter Lawrence

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

I've been surprised by the response of people as they hear about our baby.  It's a different kind of situation.  One most people don't ever go through themselves or alongside friends.  People constantly want to know how we are doing or they don't ask at all.  Both are fine, neither is wrong or right.  I appreciate those who want to know.  I appreciate those who allow us to live life as normal.  It's actually a good balance.

Two responses that stand out to me have been 1. when people say we're brave, and 2. when people say why you guys again?

To the first, it makes me laugh because I don't entirely know what people mean when they say this. Bravery to me is facing something you're scared of, it's a choice you make and we certainly didn't choose this, we just keep moving forward.  We love this baby whether he is born "normal" or healthy or not, whether he is born alive at all.  He is ours.  God has graciously bestowed another soul on us to parent whether only from the womb or beyond.  To us there is no choice.  And it is ironic because "a choice" was the first thing we were offered by our doctor upon Baby's initial diagnosis (missing part of his leg, cystic areas in his intestines - both together point to more problems to come; we are not hopeful he'll survive to term). Quickly we told the doctor that no we don't have that choice.  She was a bit taken aback but has been very compassionate and happy to oblige us.  Maybe people mean that we are brave to tell of baby's problems at all.  But this confuses me because why hide it?  If he is born alive, any problems will be apparent, and if God chooses to heal him, more glory to God the more people know!   And in the mean time,  let's pray for a miracle!

To the second response, the Lord has given me so much peace in this area right away.  My theology is not that each human gets his equal share of suffering.  That is more than obvious when you look at all of the starving children around the world.  But I do think that in first world countries we still tend to hang onto this false hope.  We lost our first baby, so the rest are safe.  God won't cause us to suffer anymore than he already has.  It's someone else's turn. No.  God doesn't dole out suffering in equal measure.  He does it specifically, individually for our sanctification. For our GOOD.  I believe that.  I am not mad at Him.  I know it is for my good, for our family's good, and ultimately for this baby's good to be enduring this trial and that God is using it to make us more ready for Heaven.  To make us more like Him.  To make us more ready for Him.  And His nearness is our good. So while we don't invite or ask for suffering, we count it as joy and pray that it produces steadfastness in us.

Right now, we are walking proof that God does grant peace that passes understanding.  We are not anxious, we are hopeful.

We have Hope.

Do you?

Therefore since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put is to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Romans 5:1-5

I hope I'm not painting this perfect picture like we are doing things all right.  It's hard.  It hurts. But we have a Savior who knows our hurt and will redeem our hurt.  All we know now is that this baby has been fearfully and wonderfully made, and God has a plan for him.

For you formed my inward parts;

    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

14 

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.[a]

Wonderful are your works;

    my soul knows it very well.

15 

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

16 

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

    the days that were formed for me,

    when as yet there was none of them.

Psalm 139:13-16