Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

I've been surprised by the response of people as they hear about our baby.  It's a different kind of situation.  One most people don't ever go through themselves or alongside friends.  People constantly want to know how we are doing or they don't ask at all.  Both are fine, neither is wrong or right.  I appreciate those who want to know.  I appreciate those who allow us to live life as normal.  It's actually a good balance.

Two responses that stand out to me have been 1. when people say we're brave, and 2. when people say why you guys again?

To the first, it makes me laugh because I don't entirely know what people mean when they say this. Bravery to me is facing something you're scared of, it's a choice you make and we certainly didn't choose this, we just keep moving forward.  We love this baby whether he is born "normal" or healthy or not, whether he is born alive at all.  He is ours.  God has graciously bestowed another soul on us to parent whether only from the womb or beyond.  To us there is no choice.  And it is ironic because "a choice" was the first thing we were offered by our doctor upon Baby's initial diagnosis (missing part of his leg, cystic areas in his intestines - both together point to more problems to come; we are not hopeful he'll survive to term). Quickly we told the doctor that no we don't have that choice.  She was a bit taken aback but has been very compassionate and happy to oblige us.  Maybe people mean that we are brave to tell of baby's problems at all.  But this confuses me because why hide it?  If he is born alive, any problems will be apparent, and if God chooses to heal him, more glory to God the more people know!   And in the mean time,  let's pray for a miracle!

To the second response, the Lord has given me so much peace in this area right away.  My theology is not that each human gets his equal share of suffering.  That is more than obvious when you look at all of the starving children around the world.  But I do think that in first world countries we still tend to hang onto this false hope.  We lost our first baby, so the rest are safe.  God won't cause us to suffer anymore than he already has.  It's someone else's turn. No.  God doesn't dole out suffering in equal measure.  He does it specifically, individually for our sanctification. For our GOOD.  I believe that.  I am not mad at Him.  I know it is for my good, for our family's good, and ultimately for this baby's good to be enduring this trial and that God is using it to make us more ready for Heaven.  To make us more like Him.  To make us more ready for Him.  And His nearness is our good. So while we don't invite or ask for suffering, we count it as joy and pray that it produces steadfastness in us.

Right now, we are walking proof that God does grant peace that passes understanding.  We are not anxious, we are hopeful.

We have Hope.

Do you?

Therefore since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put is to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Romans 5:1-5

I hope I'm not painting this perfect picture like we are doing things all right.  It's hard.  It hurts. But we have a Savior who knows our hurt and will redeem our hurt.  All we know now is that this baby has been fearfully and wonderfully made, and God has a plan for him.

For you formed my inward parts;

    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.[a]
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.
Psalm 139:13-16