Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine's Day - A Public Service Announcement by Pam

I love my friend Pam. 

She and her hubby, Beau, have been married at least twice as long as Taylor and I (and they're only like one year older than me and younger than Taylor) and have 4 kiddos already. That's right, 4 kids before 30 - amazing!  I love their attitude towards children because they truly believe and live Psalm 127, "children are a blessing from the Lord..."  I love to soak up Pam's wisdom as a mom, wife, and a believer.  It also helps that she is stinkin hilarious. 

Pam posted this roll on the floor funny "Public Service Announcement" on Facebook a couple of days ago, and I begged her to let me feature it on the blog for those of you who don't have the benefit of being her FB friend.

Valentine's day - A Public Service Announcement
by Pam

Valentine's Day is here again and I'm feeling a little benevolent so I thought I would help out all of you GUYS out there with some free advice on the dos and don'ts of this highly over-commercialized, yet dare-not-to-be-overlooked, holiday. I must insert here that my own dear husband is a champion in the art of romance! (certainly he has made mistakes in the past - but his grand victories have overshadowed his momentary lapse's in judgement) :)

First - Don't be fooled by statements like - "I hate Valentine's Day, don't get me anything". These statements are made by ladies that have very low expectations perhaps due to your past foul-ups or they expect nothing for fear of being disappointed. Chalk it up to past failure and dare to do better this time. When in doubt, ask her best friend - her mother or even better : her sister!! We won't let you down. In truth, every girl loves special attention, especially when it expresses sincere love. DO SOMETHING!!!

Second - In your attempt to "do something" DON'T BE DECEIVED BY CRAZY INFOMERCIAL SUGGESTIONS THAT A GROWN WOMAN WOULD EVER WANT A "VERMONT TEDDY BEAR" OR "HOODIE FOOTIE" pajamas - or even worse - A COMBO OF THE TWO, despite what the ads claim.

The women in those commercials are being highly paid to" pretend" that childish theme teddy bears and oversized toddler pjs is the gift they've always wanted. Rest assured that they they are gritting their teeth through the entire ad and have made no bones about it to their significant other that this in no way would ever serve as a suitable substitute for diamonds or handbags. So unless you are in high school - say no to the teddy bear and, unless you want to see the disturbing image of your disappointed angry wife in footed pajamas whilst you try to explain your intentions, I suggest you heed my advice.

Third - This brings me to the issue of lingerie, for all you married gents out there. I shouldn't have to broach this subject - the answer should be obvious - but I know it isn't. So if you dare go down this path may I make the following suggestions:

1. This should be the LAST gift in the line-up proceeded by something less superficial and more meaningful like....a lovely bracelet or a gift certificate for a massage.

2. Get the RIGHT size. Obtain this information by whatever means necessary but get it right

3. ABORT this mission if the first gift doesn't go over well. Keep it for later as a "just because" gift. If you failed to communicate how much you love her with the first gift, what's behind door #2 will only make matters worse. Trust me on this.

Finally. despite popular opinion and stereotyping, we are not as materialistic as you might think. While no woman in her right mind would turn away diamonds, designer fragrance, or tasteful jewelry we can just as easily be enamored with the simple less expensive ways to say I love you - A few suggestions?

1. A photobook of a special memory you've shared

2. A gift certificate for a pedicure or other spa treatments

3. A gift certificate for new shoes

4. A lovely new handbag

5. Aromatherapy candles

6. Tickets to a show (that you intend to accompany her to)

7. An overnight stay at a lovely hotel in town where you have planned ahead the details (including babysitting). Door #2 will go over well here!

8. A well organized plan to spend time together doing things you would mutually enjoy.

9. A new book or bible study that you would like to do together

ABOVE ALL: No matter what you do please remember to include a well written note that expresses WHAT you love about her - even if that's all you do!!!

SERIOUS DON'TS - despite the advertised "Valentine's Deals"

1. Vacuum Cleaner or any practical home cleaning product

2. Diet/ exercise products

3. Something you brought home that was leftover from an event that took place at work

4. Anti-aging or blemish treatments of any kind

5. Kitchen appliances

6. Something you previously ever bought for a past girlfriend

*extra credit - Help the kiddies make a lovely surprise for Mommy too

Best advice: HAVE A PLAN. RUN YOUR PLAN BY A FEMALE THAT KNOWS YOUR WIFE WELL (and isn't out for revenge for any reason). HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! :)

Thanks Pam for making me laugh and possibly helping some well meaning but misguided husbands out there.

And Taylor - thanks for knowing the rules of Valentine's Day without my having to forward you this Public Service Announcement.  I love you! Thanks for giving me another Valentine:

Happy Valentine's Day Y'all!


Cat said...

This post was hi.lar.ri.ous. Thank you for the good laugh this morning!

Elizabeth Ann (Elizabeth Ann's Recipe Box said...

haha! I loved this so much! (even read it aloud to Nate!) :-)

Caroline Cobb Smith said...

So funny! I have heard advertisements on the radio for Valentine "Pajama-grams" and I thought to myself..."Who in their right mind would want a pajama gram?!" Although I'll admit to secretly wanting footie pajamas on Christmas (maybe with a butt flap too), it is never ever ok to give me a pajama-gram.

Hope you have a happy valentine's day, robs! Seth is looking like Taylor!! Smiley!

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